im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
