Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
Randomize
