Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
