If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
