I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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