She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
Randomize
