1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
