What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
my sisters under your porch take her home
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Randomize
