New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
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