Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Randomize
