i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Randomize
