If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
Randomize
