batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
