I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
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