I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
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