just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Randomize
