# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
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