Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Randomize
