Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
i think im in europe. pls send help
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
