I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
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