Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Randomize
