Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
Randomize
