Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
Randomize
