she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
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