trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
do nipples grow back?
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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