drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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