My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
