there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
