he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
