Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
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