bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
