I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Randomize
