Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
pray to the hookup gods
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
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