I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
I love having hate sex.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
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