Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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