I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
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