Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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