The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
