I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
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