It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
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