How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Randomize
