Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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