I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
