smell my finger.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
