Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Randomize
