I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
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