yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Randomize
