I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
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