I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
Everything about him screamed your future.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Randomize
