If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Randomize
