it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
Randomize
